The privilege of dreaming of the sea
I don't concentrate on my work, my mind is divided. I wake up and the first thing I do is feel bad for not having woken up on the beach. A part of me is worried about growing and improving SOLiTA but on the other hand is my desire to achieve that by living near the sea.
My head flies, investigate, find out, do studies and analyze the possibilities. No, there is no way for me to live near the sea and at the same time be able to grow my brand the way I want. At least not right now, at least not in Mexico.
I started my project and my screen printing workshop at my mother's house in Mérida, Yucatán. 30 minutes from Progreso and Chelem. 45 minutes from Telchac. One hour from Celestún and Sisal. My small business soon began to grow and I made the decision to move to Mexico City. But Mexico City was not initially my only option. I analyzed other states, I investigated what Morelos, Puebla, Hidalgo (and other places around) offered to my business and I always ended up winning this gigantic monster due to the immense number of suppliers, access to a very large variety of materials and machinery, the speed and quality of the developing and printing services, in short, that is not offered by any other city in Mexico and that is why I am still here.
I have been living here for four years and I love it. If it weren't for the fact that I learned to develop myself, to work, to interact and to know how the screen printing medium works in this place, SOLiTA would not have been able to grow in the way it has. but I don't stop wondering and thinking about the sea.
I investigated Acapulco, thinking that I could come and go, have a hybrid life between Acapulco and Mexico City, but I soon understood that I was only dreaming, something like that would be very difficult, very expensive, and not at all objective. I researched Oaxaca, Veracruz. The same. And the reality is that there are many other major factors.
I am so unmotivated. Since the beginning of 2023 it has been like this. I can only resist, endure, wait. Am I forgetting my true dream? What is my true dream? What do I do to appease this feeling? How do I accept that there is still time before I can move to the sea? Should I ignore all sense of threat and danger and just leave without thinking so much? Am I being capricious?
I watch documentaries about the ocean, about people who study marine animals, about surfers, about fishermen, and I wonder what the hell I'm doing here? I should be there. Why haven't I jumped like I jumped when I came here? What would I have fear? How can I take SOLiTA to the beach and keep it growing? Am I being too closed? Are there other possibilities that I'm not seeing? I just want to cry. I already started crying. How, how do I go to the sea?
I went to have breakfast with Sergio at the little inn on the corner and I told him all this that I felt when I woke up, I realized that the more I mentioned it and said it aloud, my annoyance calmed down a bit. Many times he has told me “I promise you that you will make it, you will live in the sea” but for some reason that has never been enough for me.
I don't know how to explain it, I know that many people (just like me) dream of having a little house facing the sea and living peacefully watching the waves go by for the rest of their lives. The Yucatecan coast is being colonized by gringos and Canadians due to this reason. I feel that my drive is too great. Did you see Moana? Something was calling her to cross the reef and since she was a baby all her life she imagined herself crossing that reef. Well, something like that.
For something I can't stop thinking about this, for something it hurts and I don't see it only as a goal. It goes beyond enjoying the sun, the sand and lying down to see the sky, it goes far beyond wanting to go into the sea only when it's hot and the water is calm and beautiful, it goes further. My body gets sick when it lacks the sea, my mind begins to get lost, as if it really had gills and needed salt water to be able to move and function. I don't want my retirement to be moving to the sea, I want the sea to be part of my life.
Dreaming of the sea is a privilege, saying the things I have written here are a privilege. I'm not unhappy, I don't hate my life, I'm not going to die, I don't have gills, my body doesn't really need salt water to stay healthy, I'm sure there are ways to grow a clothing brand in a port, and that most likely I am just being naive and allowing myself to be influenced by social networks that increasingly do more harm than good.
The only thing that is true is what I feel. And I feel that I really need to see the sea more often, I feel that I miss it a lot, I feel all these things that I said very much from my place and my position. Maybe in the future I will read this and laugh, or feel bad for not living my present and imagining futures. But today it is something very serious for me, it is something that I have struggled with all the time that I have lived far from the sea and for which I have felt crazy, exaggerated, capricious. It's okay, whatever has to come in its time will come and I hope to be more grateful than I am today.